Why comparing is a b*tch and how to stop it
I’m going to tell you why, and how, you should stop the comparison game.
It lies in our human nature to compare ourselves to others. To friends, family, peers, but also to people we don’t even know. This is fine, as long as we’re using it to fuel ourselves with positive energy and inspiration. However, 99% of the time, this isn’t the case.
Often without realizing so, we subject every other person to the test: how is he behaving? Is she more successful than I am? Is he better, stronger, more of anything than I am? Way back in the day, when there was actual, physical danger threatening our safety, this behavior came in pretty handy. But with the lives we’re living nowadays, it is actually doing us more harm than good.
I will give you 6 ways to help you let go of this comparison pattern you’ve been running in your mind and get in line with what really matters.
6 ways to stop comparing and refocus on what really matters
- Do you know why you’re here? And by that I do not mean: here, reading this article, but: here, on this planet. Have you found your soul’s purpose? Are you clear on what your values are? If not… it is time to go and figure this out, my love. Why, you ask? Because the second you know your purpose, somebody else’s goals and aspirations become completely irrelevant. The more aware you become of this, the more irrelevant everything else gets. Because you will realize that all you have to do is focus on what brings you closer to your goals – and let someone else do the same for theirs. Doesn’t that feel good?
- The same principle applies to your definition of success. When you know what success means to you personally, someone else’s ideas on being successful don’t really matter. Often times we see someone achieve something that gets a lot of praise or attention. Our conditioned thoughts go crazy, thinking: I want that, too! But let’s not forget that someone else’s definition of success can be completely different from our own. We’re all unique human beings with unique purposes and unique values. So, again, focus on what matters to you and let go of what might matter to someone else.
- We might be rocking this comparison game, but the one thing we’re not very good at, is playing it objectively. Generally speaking, we tend to over-qualify someone else’s abilities and undermine our own. Simply put, we are way more likely to buy into the idea that someone else is better than we are, than visa versa. Well… if comparing wasn’t useless before, it definitely became useless just now.
- When you let your happiness depend on where you are at in life compared to someone else, you will never get there. Life offers countless possibilities, brings countless choices for us to make, and gives us countless journeys to set off on. No matter where you are or how much you have achieved, there will always be someone who – note: you think – did better, more, righter. Just remember: everyone’s path is unique, so all you really need to do, is focus on yours.
- When we’re comparing, we tend to focus on the things we don’t (yet) have. Whether it’s a material thing, a skill or an activity, we tend to only see what others have that we don’t. The only thing we get from this, though, is the idea that we need to change something. However, that which sparks joy and happiness, is focusing on exactly the opposite: everything you do have, enjoy and are able to do. Focus on what you have going for you and be grateful for that. That which you give energy to, you attract more of, so choose wisely.
- At the end of the day, the only life you come even close to having a say in, is your own. And even there, you don’t get to decide everything all the time. Live and let live, and feel how everything starts to flow as you let go of the lives of others and focus solely on what matters in yours.
What do you do to get yourself out of the comparison game? Let us know below and inspire others!